Who Says the Commonwealth isn't Relevant Anymore?

Well, the day of reckoning has arrived.

After a year of touting my cricketing credentials, thereby managing to get myself a job as official scorer (see previous blog) and elected at Women’s Cricket Officer for Peru Cricket, I was told that I had to pull together a team for an historic Peruvian event: the first ever women’s cricket match between MY(??!) team and a far better practiced team of teachers from Markham School.

As anyone who knows me can tell you, I talk a good game. But I haven’t hefted a bat since university days and can’t bowl worth a toss. I could as much set the hounds to the foxes as set a field.

After a mad scramble involving begging on bended knee and blackmailing a couple of my students I now have the required quantity for a six-a-side and, as soon as I finish writing this, I am off to the Lima Cricket Club.

This morning it suddenly occurred to me that we have no uniforms. I thought I’d have a rummage through my extensive T-shirt collection and take along a few white tops. I discovered that I have loads of white T-shirts left over from the various Commonwealth Election Observer Missions I had done in those countries where the colours of the main political parties clashed with those of the Commonwealth. In those cases we used to hurriedly commission white T-shirts with the Commonwealth logo on the pocket surrounded by the words “Commonwealth Expert Team” plus the place and date of the election.

Ooooh, I thought, we’ll be the Commonwealth Expert Team! On my team I have a half-Aruban-half-Peruvian, a half-Kiwi-half-Peruvian, an Auzzie, two full Peruvians, an American and, I think, a Pakistani.

We, of course, suck. The Peruvians (an art teacher and a veterinary student) have never played cricket and have watched a grand total of one game. The Aruban is sporty as hell, as keen as mustard and reminds me of myself at that age (15). The Auzzie attempted to take an interest in cricket when married to her first husband but had since moved on. I have never met the Pakistani but have great hopes. I have been suffering for a few months with tendonitis of the wrist and am secretly hoping that I can use this as an excuse to get out of the whole thing.

Markham ladies look out!

I am a bit nervous about posting this blog for fear of getting into post-employment trouble from the Commonwealth Secretary-General for misuse of the logo, though I think that any non-criminal promotion of the Commonwealth is A Good Thing. However, even if I get sued, I would like to dedicate this rout – I mean match –to Amitav, my fellow COMSEC cricket enthusiast and a great all-rounder.

So Amitav, morituri te salutant!

Update: We won! Several of my players didn’t turn up so the Markham captain unwisely lent me three Peruvians who had never played cricket before but were members of the national women’s rugby squad. A five minute coaching session later we were off.

The Pakistani turned out to be an Indian with great line and length and a thorough knowledge of the rules. She promptly stumped any opposition player who stepped outside her crease, gaining us several crucial wickets. She and I took turns keeping wicket and the rest of the match consisted of a contest between which side bowled the least amount of wides. We won by two runs.